The Horrors Link Faces
by Kurakun1019
Summary: If you want to laugh then read this it'll be worth your time.....i hope.


This story started out as my nine year old cousin's homework. We were so excited about writing a Legend of Zelda story that we came up with this ridiculous yet awesome one page to give to his teacher. Now we (me the eighteen-year-old, my nine year old cousin, my eight year old cousin) decided to make it a chapter story because we thought it was so great. Well it might get heck a confusing at times but bear with us because we're just writing whatever comes out of our heads and us being such lala thinkers, even we sometimes don't understand what we were thinking. Also, this story started as a Twilight Princess story, but we've decided to mix OoT, TWW, and TP together to create this longer version.

So we hope you enjoy our wild imagination and don't say too many mean things because you might hurt the little one's feelings…..they're only eight and nine after all……..And the movie won't come out till 2014….just kidding.

Disclaimer: We no own Legend of Zelda…..at all. Not that I mind. I'd rather play it not create it.

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Chapter 1: Oh noes!

Hi, my name is Link. I have blond hair, blue eyes, and pointy ears. I also like to kill things with my slingshot. Well enough about me now here's the real story!

One gloomy day I was on my way to the village to help out a friend with his ranch and I saw a large group of moblins, shadow beasts, wolfos, and bokoblins. They were freeing the evil Ganon from his prison in the caves near my home. Now Ganon isn't a very nice guy, he tried to destroy the village some years ago so the sages had him chained to a post in the middle of this maze of caves. We chained him up after the first Hero had killed him…..what did you think we were gonna chain up a guy that's still alive??.....that's harsh.

Anyways, back to the present, the monsters broke the chains and set him free and he disappeared in a cloud of black smoke. I knew I had to stop him (something about being the chosen hero and whatnot) so I set off to the woods with Navi and Midna right behind me. Once I got to the woods I went into the forest temple, Navi told me I'd find weapons there. I found armor, a sword and shield (who the heck would leave all these weapons in the middle of an empty space??).

I summoned my horse which I had gotten at Lon Lon Ranch about a month ago, brought her back with me to my tree house home and began preparing for my journey. I brought my slingshot, boomerang, sword, shield and a bottle that Saria had given me. I couldn't decide which of my favorite foods to bring so I just brought all of them. I brought tamales, mashed potatoes, and pizza. (Our Link is half Spanish…., and his horse is from Scotland. XD)

I went searching for my tent in my dark, black hole of a basement, tried to fit it into my bag but two hours later I realized it wasn't going to work so I just tossed it back in there. Hm…….maybe someday I'll organize everything that's down there ~hears things crawling in the darkness~……..or not. I stuck to packing everything else scattered around the house; I packed another box of pizza in case I got hungry. Afterwards I decided to brave the basement again to look for items; I went down with my lantern, and something started nibbling on my foot I looked down and saw a giant rat! (ZOMFG!) Then I was so scared I threw my lantern and climbed back up in less than two seconds. I was certain that I would never go down there ever again (here's where Midna and Navi started laughing and calling me a wimp.)

Afterwards I called my Grandma and told her that the basement is evil and so are my friends. I sat on my couch that night and started reading about my horse because I didn't know anything about horses. (My horse is the only nice person in the world to me) I finally was ready to go and fell out the window to my house because I was looking out the window and forgot I broke the ledge last week.

I ran into some pirates……..wait……where'd they come from?? They asked me to join them in their journey to defeat Ganon. (Hm, go figure; we're after the same guy) Then I saw sharks (on land?? Wth?) surrounding my house and the only thing I could think of was…….'maaaan I'm hungry' and then my sister came out of my house and said, "Make me a saaaandwich and don't put mustard or mayo on it!"

That's when I decided to leave with the pirates. And she yelled," doooon't leaaaaave! You still have to make my saaaandwich!"

Everyone in the village gathered around the edge of the land where the boat (we don't have any water around here….) was docked and yelled, "BYE LINK WHO'S SCARED OF GIANT RATS!!" I ignored them, climbed up the ladder of the boat and asked Tetra, "How are we moving?" and she said, "There are pirates pushing the ship."

………Oooookay…….We traveled for days through the water. Suddenly I found myself trapped in a barrel, because they were launching me to the forsaken fortress. They launched me and luckily I was still in one piece and my items were still with me, the sad part was they also launched my horse and I also lost my pants.

It was terrible, my horse landed in the water near the dock and I had to pull her out; but not before getting pulled in myself. I couldn't find my pants, I looked up higher on one of the towers and I saw a moblin wearing them. I took out my sword covered myself with my other hand and started walking slowly towards that tower.

As I was nearing the tower a shadow beast saw me and swiped my sword away then saw my favorite animal, the duck, all over my boxers. Needless to say….I was horrified…….at least I was still wearing my boxers but when I turned to run to get my sword I ran into a whole group of shadow beasts blocking my way, one swiped at me but I dodged his attack and suddenly felt a breeze…..I got away and slipped into an empty room. I took the time to look down to realize that my boxers were missing as well………this wasn't good…..I looked up and I also realized I wasn't alone, there were ten girls in a prison cell looking straight at my family jewels!(O.o) I quickly covered myself with my hands and ran off through the window.

(Meanwhile the girls were yelling, "Come back cheeky boy!")(And then started singing, "BABY COME BACK!") I landed in another room, a very nice room, with a bed, and a shower….wait...…a shower? Meanwhile Ganon came in from the shower in just a towel….I wondered why his beard was gone…..not knowing that I had said it out loud.

He turned and yelled, "My beard is gone!?" He realized who had said it and pointed at me yelling, "YOU!" Then we stood there for a few seconds in silence.

I broke the silence by telling him it was rude to point at people. 'Hadn't his mother taught him anything??' He looks at me and I was suddenly aware that I was still boxerless and pants less, right then and there we both had something in common……we weren't wearing any pants….or undies………then he looked at me some more and asked me what the heck I was doing in his room. I told him honestly….I don't know.

Then I remembered why I was there…..to kill him! I charged at him with my sword (Don't think like that it wasn't that sword, it was the Master Sword). He pulled his soap brush out because he didn't have his sword and blocked my attack. (Wait…how do you block metal with plastic?) I didn't stop to ponder how he had blocked me….I just kept attacking. I heard a crash and a giant shadow came over me.

I looked up and saw a giant bird landing, it picked me up by the only clothes I had left, my shirt. He flew up high me in one claw and my horse (where'd he find her?) in the other and he threw us into the ocean some miles away. I then lost my shirt and was floating around the ocean in my birthday suit. Suddenly I was caught in a storm and was unconscious for a long time. I woke up later to a very bright light, I thought I was dead.

I felt hot, very hot, burning in fact, I woke up with a shout and looked around I saw that I was in the middle of boiling lava! (OH SHIZNITS!) I got away from the boiling part and saw that I had sunburn from lying there for so long. I heard giggling, it startled me and I immediately jumped up and started running away from the sound, Epona, my horse, right behind me,(she wouldn't let me on because I was naked….stoopid horse)(yes, we spell stupid on purpose, we watch a lot of invader zim)

I looked back and saw whole horde of fangirls chasing me, what scared me most was seeing that one of them had handcuffs, rope and lipstick! (Oh the horror of lipstick!) I jumped over a small pool of lava; fortunately they didn't make it and fell in, there was a pile of skeletons in the pool, they all had tubes of lipstick coming up from their clothes! (Not even the mighty power of lava can destroy lipstick! NOOOOOOOO!)

I was safe once more from the fangirls, I started to walk toward the village and when I got there the women covered their children's eyes. Well duh, I remembered that I was still naked. I wandered through the village looking for clothes. I spotted the clothing store; I still had my money so I walked in and demanded they show me what they had available; they had a shirt with a pony on it, and diapers I told them to give me the diapers. I gave them 25 rupees for the diapers and I walked out while they laughed at me. I looked at Epona and said stand tall, they're just jealous. Jealous of a sexy guy in a diaper……


End file.
